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GOODBYE!
By Michael Matthews
December 7, 2012 -- You might as well face it. It's all over, just 14 days to go. If the Mayans are right, December 21 is the dead line, no pun intended.

I'm not worried. I'll be on a beach in Gili Trawangan, Indonesia, while you are rushing around, in a complete panic, as the world ends.

It's too late for you to make arrangements to meet me on the beach in Gili Trawangan, but here's what I suggest you do instead.

First, cash out of everything. Add up what you've got--and I hope you're got at least $375,000--and decide to spend your last days in total luxury and gluttony. Then follow my foolproof final itinerary.

Start in New York, at The Four Seasons Hotel, and spend three nights in the Ty Warner Penthouse. That'll cost $30,000 a night, but it does sleep three and you do have a limo on call at all times. Take in some theater and then dinner at Per Se ($1,000 with a mediocre bottle of vino). On the second night, have dinner at Daniel (another $1,000). Grab a slice of pizza for the third night because it's New York and what's a visit to New York without a nice slice?

Then jump across the pond, first class, on British Airways. (That will be $10,612 one-way, which is all you'll need because you're not coming back.) A Rolls Royce limo will meet you at Heathrow and take you to The Lanesborough Hotel. I suggest three nights in the Royal Suite overlooking Hyde Park. It does cost $25,000 a night, but comes with a Rolls Royce and 24-hour butler. Colin, the world's most affable concierge, can arrange anything you need or give you superb recommendations and then make them happen. How about cocktails at one of the bars in The House of Commons? You'll never know who you'll meet sipping $5,000-a-shot Cognac to toast the end of days.

With the three nights in New York, one night flying over and three in London, we've only got seven left. Have the Lanesborough chauffeur take you to St. Pancras Station so you can catch the Eurostar to Paris. If you need some fortification before the trip, the station has a lovely Champagne Bar. And you can afford it because the train ride to Paris Gare du Nord will only set you back around $450 for a seat in Business Premier class. And good news: WiFi is free in the departure lounge, so you can send off a few last minute goodbye E-mails.

Once in Paris, check into the Hotel Le Bristol. (Sorry, my dear, the Ritz is closed for renovation. It's a bloody silly time to renovate, given the imminent end of everything, but that's the French for you!) The Bristol has been my favorite for many years and the Signature Suites are a bargain at just $19,500 a night. Plan for four nights to experience the amazing service. One particular occasion. when I was on the wagon, the sommelier decanted the can of Coca-Cola before filling my glass. Nice touch. Besides, Didier Le Calvez, the general manager, will stop by to say hello sometime during your stay. I promise.

I wouldn't think of interfering with your choice of Michelin-starred Parisian restaurants, but after three nights of $1,000-a-pop meals, do try Caisa Mia. Samuel and Francesca will look after you and there won't be a tourist in sight.

With just three days left, if I weren't already on the beach, I would head for the snows and St. Moritz. Check into the Hans Badrutt Suite at Badrutt's Palace, the original Swiss ski resort, opened in 1896 and still run by the same family. Expect to spend about $15,000 a night. There are smarter and newer resorts than St. Moritz and Badrutt's Palace, but you won't go wrong being there for your final few hours on this earth. You'll be looking at the Swiss Alps, sipping from a fine bottle of Krug, waiting to see how it ends.

Not that it matters, what with the world ending and all, but here's my rough guide to what it costs for two to spend the final days in style: $288,000 for the hotels; $20,000 for transatlantic airfare; $14,000 for dinners and meals; $3,000 for incidentals; and $50,000 for gratuities. I know 50 thousand sounds a little high, but it's only around 15 percent of the total tab. And you wouldn't want to be called a piker as you head for the Pearly Gates, would you?

Good luck and goodbye. Think of me at the beach as you sip and sup your way to eternity.

Just in case the end of the world doesn't happen on December 21, a Happy Christmas and a bumper New Year. And don't worry. If the Mayans turn out to be wrong--it's happened before--there will be plenty of time in 2013 to figure out how to replace that $375,000 you just blew.

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ABOUT MICHAEL MATTHEWS Michael Matthews has managed and marketed fine hotels around the world for more than 45 years. He spent 14 years in Hong Kong building the legendary Regent International group. He has also worked with St. Regis, Ritz-Carlton and Rosewood hotels. Matthews is currently based in Arizona. He began writing Do Not Disturb in early 2004.

THE FINE PRINT Joe Brancatelli makes this space available to Michael Matthews in the spirit of free speech and to encourage editorial diversity and the wider discussion of important travel issues. All of the opinions and material in this column are the sole property of Matthews. This column may not be reproduced in any form without the express permission of Michael Matthews.

This column is Copyright 2012 by Michael Matthews. JoeSentMe.com is Copyright 2012 by Joe Brancatelli. All rights reserved.